"Funny The Way It Is" - Dave Matthews Band. . .

Its funny to me how we all think that we know exactly what we need in life to be happy. . .I can't begin to count the things in my life that I 'KNEW' would make me "completely happy" if I could some how obtain them.  It continues to baffle me and continues to keep me up at night as well.  I can't help but wonder, as I'm sure others do, sometimes if "this" is how its always going to be.  You know, the good ole 9-5 job, perfect little apt with a wonderful dog and a lovely wife, all of which I am beyond blessed to have. . .but should I want more?  I wonder if I should feel guilty knowing all the blessings that God has given me yet finding myself discontent with the way things are sometimes.  Not saying that I'm miserable or anything, but I'm not going to lie (especially on my own freaking blog) sometimes I get in these 'funks' where I think to myself "there is no way I can be happy if "this" is all that I'm going to be."  I mean, I know that life has its obligations, all of which I am fine and dandy with, and trust me I do not mind working hard for myself and my family (Way too many 'and' words in that sentence).  However, I wonder if the constant 'up and down' is good enough.  Call me selfish, lazy, naive, or whatever else you want, but life should be exciting, new and peaceful should it not?  I mean if I have wonderful things on the outside but the inside wants more. . .Is it possible that I've fooled myself yet again into obtaining that "next thing" knowing its all I need just to find myself right back where I was before?  I feel so bad for my parents thinking about his, because now I know that it had to have been so frustrating wasting money on one new toy after another. . .I know its comparing apples and oranges but I must confess that the feeling is very similar. . .I remember when I was little, every little toy or gadget that came out I just "had to have it". . .two weeks later I'd be observing the effects that bottle rockets had on it, seriously, it was pitiful.  Its crazy to think about. . .I've gone from wanting to be a professional soccer player, to a wrestler, to a journalist, to a lawyer, to a pastor (that was quite a leap), to a musician, to a cop, to a teacher, and back to musician. . .So what am I now?. . .An accounting student working as a technician for a credit card  processing company. . ."Just what I wanted". . .I must be completely spoiled because I know that I am beyond blessed. . .If nothing else just for the fact that I am an American and don't have too wonder where my next meal is coming from, or if there are laws in place that are designed to protect myself and the people I love.  Writing this blog makes me feel extremely silly, believe me it really does, but I have to say that life. . .life is exactly what I've made it to be. . .and if I want it to change, it starts with me.          

Blog Number One. . .

I have no idea why. . .I've decided to start a blog. . .Maybe its boredom, funny thing is I have PLENTY I could/should be doing right now instead of "blogging" but obviously. . .I don't care.  Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm starting this blog because I NEVER truly "speak" my mind.  Why? Well basically confrontation to me seems really pointless.  I don't really care enough about my opinions to get into a 'knock down drag out blood bath' with someone that may have a different view than my own.  I mean really, if someone doesn't agree with me does it mean that my own thoughts or feelings don't exist anymore, no it means we are different, surprise? I think not.   Basically I'm not obsessed with myself to the point where I'm convinced that I'm the only person on planet Earth. . .Yes, even someone that is oblivious as myself has the keen ability to notice the other life forms that inhabit this ever changing world.  People really REALLY do annoy me though, yet I tend to have a general 'love' for folks.  I guess you could say my reasoning for this blog is closely tied with the fact that I often 'bite my tongue' and this is my 'out' if you will.  However true that may be, I do hope that whoever happens to stumble upon these rants of mine has the strength to forgive me if you find them to be; offensive, disappointing, confusing, wrong, shallow, hateful, mean, disrespectful, challenging, pointless, degrading, useless, heartless, and/or complete crap.  After all, the aforementioned words tend to describe the way I feel people tend to treat each other, and that my friends, pisses me off.